I didn't nurse Jake, so I have never had to do this before and I hate it. I hate the guilt that goes along with it. I hate that in my heart I want to keep nursing ... I love that time with Delaney and I know she prefers it over the bottle. But, I hate how tied down I feel and how my body looks/feels when I am nursing. We also want a third baby and, being VERY selfish, I want a year or so of having my body all to myself before I get pregnant again. So, this needs to happen now.
I really thought that when the time came I would be happy to be finished with it and relieved that it is over, but I am not. I feel sad every time I give her a bottle, and then the few times a day that I am still nursing I just want to cry when I see how content Delaney is.
9 months is a long time, and when I started my goal was just to make it to 6 months. I am happy that I was able to go this long and I feel confident that I have given her the best start nutritionally that I could. Rationally, I know all of this. And, in a few months she will be on to milk and juice and water and all of those other wonderful things to drink ... she is already doing so good with eating table foods! Maybe another part of it is that she is growing up and starting to be a real baby and not my little newborn anymore.
So, in a few more weeks I will be finished breastfeeding and right now it just makes my heart break a little bit to think of that.
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